(video) Book Haul: Toddler Books, Mysteries, GoT and HORROR

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Hello lovelies!
I decided to do a book haul video since I’ve never done one and they seem fun!

Here are the titles:

Piglet is Entirely Surrounded by Water,” – A. A. Milne
Winnie the Pooh and Some Bees” – A. A. Milne

Another Monster at the End of This Book” – Sesame Street
Green Eggs and Ham” – Dr. Seuss
Richard Scarry’s Bedtime Stories
Miracles of Jesus,” – Golden Book
Comfort for a Child’s Heart,” – David & Helen Haidle

M.C. Beaton books:
“Agatha Raisin and the Case of the Curious Curate”
Agatha Raisin and the Wizard of Evesham
Agatha Raisin and the Love from Hell

(Hamish Macbeth Mysteries:)

“Death of a Bore”
“Death of a Poison Pen”

“A Clash of King’s” – George R. R. Martin
“A Feast for Crows” – George R. R. Martin

“Bag of Bones” – Stephen King

Bad Boys

This topic is a bit different, but I had been mulling it over for a while and decided to try and share my thoughts on it.

I have heard guys complain that they have been passed over by girls for ‘bad boys’ countless times. They express their frustration that they see their women friends treated so bad by these jerks and don’t understand why it keeps happening, why do women always go for jerks? especially when there these nice guys are waiting for the chance to treat them better. (Key word is ‘waiting’ guys, don’t forget to take the initiative! but maybe that’s another topic…)

This thinking has always irritated me because I have never been the type to look at a ‘bad boy’ and think “Yes, that’s what I want!”. Do women ever really do that? and yet I’ve always felt passed over by nice guys for bratty girls. *sigh* Can anyone really win?

Well, I asked my Facebook friends what they thought and quickly discovered that for one, the definition of ‘bad boy’ is a little up for interpretation.

To me, it means the cocky, confident, trouble making types that were into drinking, smoking and drugs (uhm, gross. Well, not the cocky and confident part, the smoking and drugs bit.). These are the typical ones that you’d think were possessive and physically abusive. (I realize a lot of this is generalization, but I’m sure you see my point.)

To some it means more of the rebel, biker dude. Guy’s with that same cocky and confident demeanor who seem more apathetic and aloof but though they may be rough around the edges, once you dig a little deeper you find a sweetheart and they really aren’t “bad” in the character sense.

I think this is one of my biggest mistakes in my life, thinking that “bad boys” look like bad boys. Because they don’t all look it. Not all villains will look like villains, some look like  the hero.

This is something I knew, but I didn’t quite understand.

You hear the saying “You can’t judge a book by it’s cover” all the time, but I never really applied that thinking.

I figured the shy, geeky boys were safe. The lone wolf, introverted, quiet guy just needed a friend.

This doesn’t mean that wasn’t true, but sometimes the “bad boy” hides it well. You would never look at him and think “danger, Wilhelmina, danger!”

This whole topic is way more intense than I thought it would be. After asking my initial question I felt like it brought up a billion others.

But for the sake of this post, I’ll state the question I had thought of that started this whole thing…

Why do women pass up good guys for bad boys?

First off, I don’t think we do it on purpose. Obviously, I cannot speak for all women, but from the bit I have learned about myself and have understood from listening to other women I can form a theory at least.

Confidence is attractive on anyone and generally speaking, ‘bad boys’ are usually more confident. They make their ‘move’ and ‘get the girl’ and after the initial excitement things start to grow ‘boring’ to them and their true colors come out. Unfortunately at that point the woman is so emotionally entangled into the relationship that she can’t understand what is happening when the guy starts making rude remarks about her appearance or giving her restrictions and twisting things around on her to make her feel like his issues are her fault. She’ll wonder “what happened,” “why doesn’t he love me anymore,” “what did I do?” She’ll even justify his anger with thinking either she instigated it, or she’ll think “well, he hasn’t hit me,” because we’re kind of programmed to think that if we aren’t being hit we aren’t being abused. (*Buzzer* wrong)

People are generally pretty quick to judge women who stay in these relationships, but in order to help the women you need to be able to empathize and realize that they didn’t willingly enter into these relationships thinking “hey, here’s a jerk, I’ll make a life with him!” no one in their right mind would do this, that’s a ridiculous assumption.

Women stay because they love them. Women stay because they believe the lies that these bad boys are changing, and some even do change at least tiny aspects of themselves and start trying and that is enough to make the woman stay and support him in his endeavors to become a better person. Even when she isn’t getting any of her emotional needs fulfilled, even if there is another guy willing to meet those needs and give her everything she wants, it doesn’t matter because she is in love. It may be misplaced love, but it’s still love.

Women stay because he isn’t always angry. He isn’t always mean. When he’s in a good mood he’s really fun. But when he’s in a bad mood…

My theory is that when women are met with a man who respect them, who speak genuinely and treat them how they should be treated it puts our guard up.

What does this guy want from us? because experience has taught us that only people who want something from us treat us nicely. Even when all this guy may want is to spend his life treating us well. But, the really terrifying moment comes when you start to fall for the good guy.

See, with a good guy we run the risk of actually falling and falling hard. That vulnerability is terrifying so we tend to shy away from it.

What if they turn out to not be such a good guy? what are they hiding? are they genuine? what if they are a good guy but we’re too damaged?

Really, you can’t know these answers until you know the guy better. Sure, some may be hiding some ulterior motive, others may be genuine. But until we push past the fear and allow these men into our lives we can’t know for sure.

Does this mean to ignore your gut instinct? heavens no! I did that too many times and where has that brought me? it’s good to be wary, but don’t reject something that could be good just because people have trashed you in the past.

I think the bottom line is we women need to start seeing the value in ourselves for ourselves. Until we realize that we’re going to wind up letting anyone and everyone treat us however they want.

My advice to good guys, as a woman who has met plenty of frogs in the pursuit of Prince Charming, is this:

Keep being good. 

Never stop.

Don’t compromise your integrity because you see so many women going for jerks.

Stay true to your character and never stop respecting other humans, because in the end you will find someone who will appreciate all those good qualities you have. She may have lots of damage from bad boys, she may have none at all but I promise you that either way if you treat her with understanding and respect, she will see that you’re genuine and let you into her heart. Just be patient. Sure, take the initiative and actively pursue (we like that) but when you know she’s wary just reassure her. It’ll pay off in the end.

Adult realizations for the newly moved out young adult

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Hello lovelies!

So, my younger two sisters are going off and pursuing their dreams soon. One just turned 20 and is moving to Washington around November to join a dance company. The other is going to a dance workshop for a few weeks in Washington as well.

It’s crazy to see my baby sisters so grown up and figuring all this life stuff out. I’m very proud of them both for pursuing their dreams even when it means something as daunting as moving away from everything they know.

It got me thinking though, about things I realized after moving out of my parents’ house.

I’m number 5 of 9 kids, while not all 9 of us were in the house at the same time, it was still a good number of people. I never had my own room and was rarely ever alone or in complete silence, so moving out of my parents house and into my husband’s was totally different. Especially since he’s gone for two weeks at a time.

So here is a list of things I learned from that experience:

I am so not used to silence

I didn’t realize just how different it would be to go from living in a small home with 6 other people and sharing a room with two sisters. I’m adjusted fairly well now, but when Jonathan is gone, I usually have music playing or a documentary going so I’m not in complete silence because sometimes it’s just too weird for me. Having Tavo now helps a lot, there’s not too much silence with him and when there is, I usually check to see what he’s getting into.

I will never have my own room

Obviously, this isn’t the case for every person who grew up in a shared bedroom with lots of other siblings, but for me it is. I moved from my father’s house into my husband’s house (I know I know, but, what about feminsim!?!)

I’m alright with it though, sharing a bedroom with my husband (and toddler) isn’t the worst thing in the world haha

Cooking for two is different than cooking for 6 or 7 people

At first it wasn’t too bad, because I ate WAY too much (yes, I know, I’m totally embarrassed by that realization) but it took me a little bit to adjust from thinking “How can I make this feed a lot of people” to “hey look, it’s the perfect amount!”

My bedroom being a mess was NOT my sisters’ fault

I mean, sure, they may have had a hand in some of it. But it’s easy to think “meh, I’m a clean person and my room would be clean if I didn’t have to share it. Haha, WRONG. I’m still a messy person. I’m working on that though, slowly but surely.

You are your own boss (more or less)

This realization can be liberating and terrifying at the same time. It means you can pretty much do whatever you want, but then you realize what if you don’t know what to do? for some it’s as easy as going back over to your parents’ house and talking with your mom or dad, or even calling them. When you live in a different place though, it can be tough, phone calls feel so weird when you’re used to years of talking face to face.

This is also where you realize no one is going to tell you it’s time to get off your butt and do laundry, you have to tell yourself. (Or was that just me??…)

You start to become nostalgic for the days when you were a kid

This doesn’t mean I’m unhappy in my new life, but it feels exactly like that, like a completely new life. Because it is, we all grow up and move away and start our own lives. It can be daunting for some of us, but we will eventually adapt and missing something just means that you had something wonderful that was worth missing.

I’m lucky in the way that I can just walk down the road and visit my family in the house I grew up in. I still have a hard time adjusting to calling someplace else my home, but I’m thankful that I am so close to family. I’m really going to miss my sisters, but it won’t be forever and we’ll get to hang out again. I’m so happy to be their big sister and I’m very proud of them both <3