Sorry it’s been awhile since my last post. I decided I would try and update everyone a little bit more in depth on here. I uploaded a video a few day’s ago on YouTube, you can check it out (PLEASE like and subscribe! it helps me out immensely!) but I didn’t go into details much so this will kind of expand on the recent happenings of everything right now.
Divorce – divorce is over, finally. I’ve learned a lot over the last 7 months of going through this…mostly about myself. I’ve done a lot of healing during that time as well, I’ve made some really amazing new friends, I’ve started using my artistic talents to start my own business, I’m strengthening my relationship with God…life is strangely amazing and I feel incredibly blessed. Sure, I have my moments, this isn’t ideal, I wanted my marriage to last, I wanted my son to have two loving parents to raise him…but you can’t force someone to love you and you can’t force them to try. If they aren’t going to put forth the effort to fix things and decide to abandon you without an explanation…do you really want to spend the rest of your life with them? loving someone who constantly had one foot out the door really took a toll on my heart. I’m still dealing with wounds from it that I’m afraid I’ll always have scars from. But I’ve learned so much through this process, about myself and the ways I could have done things different (I know I am not perfect and don’t pretend to be.) and also about allowing people to just treat me any way they want to. I’m learning to gently lay down boundaries to protect myself and others too really…and I’m thankful that the worst that could have happened, didn’t and I still pray for him. How could I not? he’s still the father of my child, no matter what happens he’ll always have some role to play in my son’s life and I just hope that he can pull himself together and be a better parent than he had growing up, for our sons sake. I know he has that potential in him because I believe most people have to potential for greatness. They just have to believe in themselves and put in the work. Life isn’t easy. Change is hard, accepting we have imperfections and need to change is hard. It’s taken a lot for me to accept my part in my past failures and process that and change my attitude. It’s easy to get caught up in how unfair everything is, but that doesn’t change anything and only keeps us stuck with no hope of getting anywhere.
So in the words of Elsa…
“Diet” – I hate that word, don’t you hate that word? that word implies I’m restricting and being denied something because of people abusing that word when really, a diet is what a creature eats over the course of their life, such as a diet of hay, grass and oats for a horse (in the mose simplistic of explanations.). When I say diet, I don’t mean “let’s give up all the foods we love and drink bone broth until we starve away the fat,” there’s so many unhealthy “diets” out there. That isn’t what I mean. A diet isn’t going to give you results, a diet is going to damage you. A lifestyle change is what everyone needs and anyone who has lost weight (and kept it off) will tell you that.
Anyway, mini rant over.
So. After the start of the downward spiral into divorce I kind of fell back into old, unhealthy eating habits. I was eating pizza, chocolate, ice cream…I was still trying not to overeat, but I wasn’t doing much physical activity since it was winter for one, but I was so unmotivated and just barely surviving emotionally. Giving my toddler the attention he needed was already hard enough, but I managed to do that and I would fall apart whenever he was asleep. I didn’t want him to see my heartache. It was rough, those first few months. Everything seemed hopeless and pointless. I’m so thankful that I got through those hard days, God is good.
I tried to get back on track a few times, but anytime I did something would happen that would send me back into bingeing on sugar. Which was terrible, I triggered three migraine attacks in a row and I knew I needed to change. So I stopped buying candy. That helped, but it wasn’t enough.
So last week I resolved to start walking again. With my artwork and writing it’s easy to sit a lot. Plus still nursing my son has me sitting a lot as well. We’ve had bears around the area I live so going jogging with the stroller isn’t that appealing right now. Hiking is harder with the threat of bears as well. So I’ve been making due with walking around the house, standing more, and doing bodyweight (and weightlifting) exercises. I’m feeling tons better.
I’m back to not eating processed foods, and eating more veggies. I’ll talk more about all that in a video sometime and go over exactly what I’ve been doing, but for now, I’m feeling SO much better. My mood swings are going away, I feel more energetic and I’m excited about the future.
Cabin Expansion – In my vlog I linked to above (and here) I mentioned how my parent’s are getting the cabin expanded.
Our cabin was originally a 16×32 log cabin made somewhere around 1965, and we built on a mudroom/entryway, bathroom and some bedrooms. Even with only a few of us still at home it still feels really small for this many people, so my parents decided to get a loan so they can expand the cabin. Since we ended up having to stay here instead of getting to move to a warmer climate we need to make life a little easier on my parents, especially during the long winter months.
(The guys working on the foundation are actually here right now working outside, it’s exciting!)
So the new addition is going to be two stories, my parents will have a good size bedroom upstairs with their own bathroom (so 5+ people don’t have to share one bathroom anymore) and the downstairs will be big enough for a workout room so we can have the treadmill and our weights and plenty of space for hula hooping! this is going to make winter so much easier to deal with.
This also means that I will be getting my “own” room (I’ll still be sharing with Tavo, obviously). Which means that vlogging will be ten times easier because I will have enough space to have a little “vlogging corner” and more privacy to film something. I’m hoping to get on a schedule where I get one video and one blog post out every week, so two entries basically every week. Theoretically. I’ll keep you posted!
My Art Business – Chances are you’ve already seen some of my work that I’ve posted online, but I’m starting to work from home as a logo designer/artist (Maybe I should just say Graphic Artist? since I don’t just do logos…). I’m slowly and steadily growing my client base, it’s mostly through word of mouth and the little bit of outreach I have with my social media accounts, but it’s a start! I’m super excited. It’s amazing to be turning something I’m passionate and have a talent for into a living. Such an incredible journey to be on and I’m so ridiculously thankful to people putting their trust in me and everyone being so utterly encouraging. I am beyond blessed.
Well, those are the major highlights of what’s going on in my little corner of the world. I hope everyone is doing well! if you have any ideas for blog posts you would like to have me write or videos you think I should make, please comment or message me! I’d love to hear from you.